Satirical Analysts Gifts

Book about the real meaning of Christmas is on sale.

Occu-Pie Mars

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Reverse psychology

Under new blame.

Strainspotting

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Coronavirus Windmills

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.