Satirical Discussions Gifts

'I think we'd better hurry and aspire to the middle class while there still is one.'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

Spelling a newspaper

The trap

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

Peace bomb.

"We're on track for net zero."

Corporate Punishment.

'What did He do before he was God?'

"I just completely disagree with what you just said about America lacking focus."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

"Your personality test shows you are selfish, mean, and lazy. We'd like to offer you a position in management."

"These pills will cure your O.C.D., but first I wonder if you could organize my shelves."

'It's good you called me when you did, Bill. Believe it or not, a little speed-bump like this can derail a perfectly good career if it isn't handled just right!'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

'Big Issue...'

Huge support for focus groups etc but nobody at the political meeting

'Funny you should mention that - I happen to be involved in a joint research project with the Department of Agriculture for the express purpose of getting blood from a turnip.'

'Crisis? Which crisis?'

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

Uni. Snowflake Library

"Free speech" does not mean your ignorance is equivalent to our knowledge!

"I hate arguing with someone who knows what they're talking about."

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."