Satirical Conversation Gifts

"Well, there's no sense in us both getting a lobotomy."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Trump

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

'Cat job interviews.'

Boring Board Meeting

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"It's a sequel to 'The Thinker'. It's 'The Blamer.'"

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

"Well of COURSE it's mostly gobble-dee-gook! Were you expecting something different?"

'So what do we have here?' - dart board says, Take the Day Off, Ignore the Loser,Do What the Goof Says, and Act Interested.

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

'Gentlemen, circle around on the spot several times and be seated.' - At the dog AGM

Apocalipsis

'Yes, they've kept it pretty close to the book.'

'False alarm! I'm back. It was only a career suicide.'

Power Point Hell

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

No Coin Flipping

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! Kanye West said he's running for president in 2020, and I don't know whether to weep or move to Canada. Canada Canada Canada! Everybody always wants to move to Canada whenever they think the USA has taken a turn for the worse! None of you lily-livered quitters could stand a single Canadian winter, let alone stare down a moose at six paces. You want Canada? You can't handle Canada! How tall is a moose?

"Isn't it great that even with our busy schedules we still make the time to just be together and talk about everything else we should bet getting done?"

"Before we start the meeting do we have any apologies?"

"£38,000 in consultancy fees and 'sell more stuff' is the best you can manage."

'Your moon is on Saturn. Your sun is on Venus, and your hand is on my thigh!'

"Any other objections?"

'All those in favor...'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

"Out to Latte"

"I don't see your Zodiac sign anywhere on your resume."

"Mr. Crane is running behind schedule. Please make yourself a waffle and have a seat."

"...and this week, all boardroom tables come with a free, titled Non-Executive Director"