Satirical Analyst Pillows

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

'So, Bob, we've decided to do some rebranding!'

Not to do list - Vote.

'Psychiatry is like the Eurozone. We pretend to go forward, whilst maintaining the status quo.'

'I don't like the idea of a government supported health care, dude. I'd prefer to let my mom and dad take care of everything.'

'Tighten Your Belts.'

'It's not the we're against performance targets, it's just that we have our own.'

Europe

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Reverse psychology

Strainspotting

Under new blame.

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

Coronavirus Windmills

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"