Satirical Market Analyst Pillows

'Here's another sign the housing market still hasn't fully recovered.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Under new blame.

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

Coronavirus Windmills

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'It's true. There was a coup.'