Satirical Market Analyst Pillows

'Here's another sign the housing market still hasn't fully recovered.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Under new blame.

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Coronavirus Windmills

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'It's true. There was a coup.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"