Wise Guide Pillows

'I just feel so used all the time.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Flyfishing for dummies.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"Serenity's cool and all, but when do we get to bliss?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"All the celebrities come here."

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

A push in the right direction: 50c.

'Sorry I'm late everybody,I got lost.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

Enlightened Cursing

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

Lost and Profound.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

"I'm referring you to a specialist."