Spiritual Capitalists Gifts

'Hey, it's Heaven, why wouldn't we cash in on that?'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"I, too, hate being a greedy bastard, but we have a responsibility to our shareholders."

The scales between gluttony and hunger

"This is neither Heaven nor Hell. It's the private sector."

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

Large cap funds

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

'Let's take a minute to allow the bad karma of the old regime to lift.'

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

'They're not our 'profits,' Mike. We like to think of them as the organic by-products of non-toxic capitalism!'

"What grade would you like - basic, better or best?"

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

'Eternity isn't bad, so long as they allow us to day-trade.'

"For the profits of which we are about to partake, we give thanks. Amen."

Unchanged … and yet completely changed. Tao Jones Indexes.

Vending Machine: Epiphanies... Now in six yummy varieties!

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

'Do you have any oranges?'

Investment firm: National division/International Division/Universal Division.

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

"I don't know what it is, but it's big and I'm putting it on ebay!"