Spiritual Capitalists Pillows

'Hey, it's Heaven, why wouldn't we cash in on that?'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"I, too, hate being a greedy bastard, but we have a responsibility to our shareholders."

"This is neither Heaven nor Hell. It's the private sector."

The scales between gluttony and hunger

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Large cap funds

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

'Let's take a minute to allow the bad karma of the old regime to lift.'

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

'They're not our 'profits,' Mike. We like to think of them as the organic by-products of non-toxic capitalism!'

'Eternity isn't bad, so long as they allow us to day-trade.'

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

"What grade would you like - basic, better or best?"

"For the profits of which we are about to partake, we give thanks. Amen."

Vending Machine: Epiphanies... Now in six yummy varieties!

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

Investment firm: National division/International Division/Universal Division.

"I don't know what it is, but it's big and I'm putting it on ebay!"

Buy Low and Sell High Gurus

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"