Spiritual Moneymaker Pillows

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

'But I do have fun, I have lots of fun. I have lots of fun making lots of money.'

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

Money Tree

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

Student about Biz Quick class: 'It's bite-size information in a 15 minute class that teaches you how to roll in the dough.'

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

'Now what's all this about a money making scheme?'

"I cased the joint, and it turns out they'll just give you money if you work thirty-five hours a week as a teller."

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

"For the profits of which we are about to partake, we give thanks. Amen."

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all money had been in risk-free bonds."

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'the Dow is up'?"

Buy Low and Sell High Gurus

'Once you do transmute lead into gold, you'll find the market for it is very speculative.'

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

'I used to hate spam until I figured out how to make $78,000,000 sending it.'

'I'm thinking of starting a religion. What would be a reasonable initial investment?'

"Money doesn't make me happy, but I've learned never to be a quitter."

'Chapter one. Don't waste your money. Don't buy useless crap like this stupid book'.

"Make the world a better place. If not that, then make lots of money so we can stay above it all."

'Hey, it's Heaven, why wouldn't we cash in on that?'