Spiritual Banker Pillows

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

At The Clown Bank.

'Your check bounced last week, sir, and it STILL hasn't come down!'

"What grade would you like - basic, better or best?"

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

Vending Machine: Epiphanies... Now in six yummy varieties!

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

'Do you have any oranges?'

Business Fairy Tales.

"The tooth fairy direct-deposited your quarter."

"Simply swipe your card, enter the pin, and a pot of gold will be deposited into your account within two working days."

Actually, I'm not aware that it's a constitutional right to get an allowance...

"Thank you so much for the loan. I don't think I can ever repay you."

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'the Dow is up'?"

Plimbco Bank & Trust, old money division.

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

'Who is this 'Mr. Tan' who is withdrawing money from your checking account?'

"Sin tax? I love it."

"Be mindful of the pennies and the pounds will be mindful of themselves."

'Hey, it's Heaven, why wouldn't we cash in on that?'

Updated Classic: Treasury Island

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

"I'll be okay when I retire. I'm maxing out my 401(K), stepping up my IRA contributions, and three times a year I bury two duffle bags filled with unmarked bills in my backyard."

First savings & bone.

"How much were you thinking of spending?"

Bank Manager: 'No, you cannot give your money a hug.'

'Welcome! Do you have any coupons or discount codes?'