Spiritual Marketer Pillows

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

"I'll check and see if he's available."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

'Let's take a minute to allow the bad karma of the old regime to lift.'

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

"We should appeal to their greed, without, of course, actually appealing to their greed."

"I think it's the company logo."

The Death Star gets a marketing makeover.

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"What grade would you like - basic, better or best?"

F&E Cable Co. Sports. Movies. Special. 500 Channels. When you list the options in the cable package, call it "BBC America," not "The English Channel."

Vending Machine: Epiphanies... Now in six yummy varieties!

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

'Do you have any oranges?'

Buy Low and Sell High Gurus

"Good morning! I'd like to come in and talk to you about the Bible..."

"I like it, but the women will never wear it."

'I'm thinking of starting a religion. What would be a reasonable initial investment?'

"This is Stan, He's helping us look beneath the surface of reality to transcendent truths, in order to make a buck."

'My manager thought this might help me sell a few more CDs.'

"With your rhetorical skills, young man, do you realize that you could become a mogul?"

..... And if you act now ....

A ghost visits a man in a prison cell

'Welcome! Do you have any coupons or discount codes?'