Spiritual Strategist Pillows

'Let's take a minute to allow the bad karma of the old regime to lift.'

"This is Stan, He's helping us look beneath the surface of reality to transcendent truths, in order to make a buck."

Problems facing Church of England in UK.

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Yeah. But what if the linebacker doesn't buy the fake."

"It's me, Lord, ready to spend a little religious capital."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"With your rhetorical skills, young man, do you realize that you could become a mogul?"

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Monk Prompt

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

Minister Starts at a New Church

Bishop with a crozier case.

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

"...and remember son. Don't let anybody push you around!"

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

"When I was making money, I made the most money, and now that I'm spiritual I'm the most spiritual."

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"I see a flaw in your financial calculation."

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

'No, you can't write off the cost of your wake-up call service.'

'How do you expect to play Canasta when you left your brain to science?'

"Oh, great. The boss is in one of his enigmatic, 'Guess what I'm thinking' moods again."