Spiritual Strategist Pillows

'Let's take a minute to allow the bad karma of the old regime to lift.'

"This is Stan, He's helping us look beneath the surface of reality to transcendent truths, in order to make a buck."

Problems facing Church of England in UK.

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Yeah. But what if the linebacker doesn't buy the fake."

"It's me, Lord, ready to spend a little religious capital."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"With your rhetorical skills, young man, do you realize that you could become a mogul?"

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

Monk Prompt

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

Minister Starts at a New Church

Bishop with a crozier case.

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"...and remember son. Don't let anybody push you around!"

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"When I was making money, I made the most money, and now that I'm spiritual I'm the most spiritual."

'No, you can't write off the cost of your wake-up call service.'

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

'How do you expect to play Canasta when you left your brain to science?'

"I see a flaw in your financial calculation."

"Oh, great. The boss is in one of his enigmatic, 'Guess what I'm thinking' moods again."

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

"My lobbyist trumps your legal team."