Spiritual Entrepreneur Gifts

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

'I'm thinking of starting a religion. What would be a reasonable initial investment?'

'Goopta believes in a businesslike approach to enlightenment.'

"As soon as we attain Nirvana, we can start selling franchises!"

Buy Low and Sell High Gurus

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"Show off."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"The meaning of life, eh? Beats me... Let's google it."

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"You've reached the consciousness-raising call center. For the meaning of life, press 1. For the secret to happiness, press 2. For the joke of the day, press 3."

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

'Peace on...peace on...good heavens! Where are we?!'

"When was your last meta-physical?"