Angelic Investors Gifts

"Are you even listening? I'm an arch-angel. There's no such thing as an investor angel!"

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

"Eternity isn't so bad - as long as I can keep track of how my earthly investments are doing."

'Eternity isn't bad, so long as they allow us to day-trade.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

'Of COURSE we appreciate having someone with your expertise in mergers and acquisitions, but offhand I can't think of another corporation that would match up with ours.'

"It has yet to turn a profit."

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

Death of the pope.

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

"In Heaven it does."

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

Library In Heaven Stocks The Bible And Only The Bible

Football

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'the Dow is up'?"

'I used to provide capital for business startups. Here's my card. I'm an angel investor.'

'I realize this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'

'I would have taken it with me but the Inland Revenue got it all before I left.'

"Just between you and me, the universe would move in much less mysterious ways if the spark plugs and the oil were changed on a half-way regular basis."

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

Angel with dog playing fetch attached.

'He's back! He just couldn't stand the idea of the stock market going up without him.'