Divine Investor Gifts

To err is human, but to have your stocks recover from a plummet is divine.

Stockbrokers - The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away."

Sell the Universe !

"Yes, reverend, all our stocks are faith-based.2

"God spoke to me in a dream and it really changed my life. He told me to diversify my portfolio."

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

The Ordered List

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

God's failing sales chart in evidence at meeting. God says 'Okay, any ideas?'

The church of our lady of wall street.

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

"Eternity isn't so bad - as long as I can keep track of how my earthly investments are doing."

'Hey, good news, we had a look at the X-rays. Turns out, God is on your side.'

"Who'd have thought it? It turns out you can take it with you when you die."

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

'My accounts aren't insured, but it's the risk I take for higher interest rates.'

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

"It has yet to turn a profit."

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

"OK, just between you and me: The free will thing? What was your angle in all that?"

Please Help Me Get Back To Buying Risky Stocks On Margin.

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

Bookshop selling investment advice books.

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'the Dow is up'?"

Unusual Retirement Plans

'I've decided to hang in for the long-term. Maybe even all day!'

You've Got Questions, We've Got Answers.

'Let's go home, coach. If God was going to intervene with a miracle and change the final score to save your job, it would have happened by now.'