Divine Investor Pillows

To err is human, but to have your stocks recover from a plummet is divine.

Stockbrokers - The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away."

Sell the Universe !

"Yes, reverend, all our stocks are faith-based.2

"God spoke to me in a dream and it really changed my life. He told me to diversify my portfolio."

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

The Ordered List

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

God's failing sales chart in evidence at meeting. God says 'Okay, any ideas?'

The church of our lady of wall street.

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

"Who'd have thought it? It turns out you can take it with you when you die."

'My accounts aren't insured, but it's the risk I take for higher interest rates.'

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

"Eternity isn't so bad - as long as I can keep track of how my earthly investments are doing."

'Hey, good news, we had a look at the X-rays. Turns out, God is on your side.'

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

"It has yet to turn a profit."

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

"OK, just between you and me: The free will thing? What was your angle in all that?"

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'the Dow is up'?"

Please Help Me Get Back To Buying Risky Stocks On Margin.

Bookshop selling investment advice books.

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

Unusual Retirement Plans

'I've decided to hang in for the long-term. Maybe even all day!'

You've Got Questions, We've Got Answers.

'I realize this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'