Speedy Sage Gifts

Running shoes? You have the wrong idea about "fasting," Brother Ernest!

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

George Martin

Pessimists v Optimists.

Gustav Holst

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

Barry Cryer.

Ever notice if you speed-read these cave drawings you invent animation?

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

"Well the good news is that the new software analysed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product. . ."

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

"It's nice of you to say so, Ben, but somehow the idea of 'Shakespeare in the Park' doesn't really appeal to me."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

This one needs re-booting!

"It needs more old salt."

"It seems like all we talk about anymore is the weather."

Liv Ullmann

Computer announces to user: 'You now have more files than Al Capone had under his pillow in Alcatraz.'

The Senior Citizen Surfer

Jesus Saves

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

"If you don't want to know the score..."

" guess we can relax. They say they're Zulu Surfer Dudes."

'Your Dell went to hell.'

"Great waves to day, dude!"

Roy Hodgson

"You are using an unregistered copy of this software...please register..."