Speedy Sage Gifts

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

Pessimists v Optimists.

Gustav Holst

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

Ever notice if you speed-read these cave drawings you invent animation?

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"It's nice of you to say so, Ben, but somehow the idea of 'Shakespeare in the Park' doesn't really appeal to me."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

"Well the good news is that the new software analysed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product. . ."

This one needs re-booting!

"It needs more old salt."

Liv Ullmann

"It seems like all we talk about anymore is the weather."

Computer announces to user: 'You now have more files than Al Capone had under his pillow in Alcatraz.'

The Senior Citizen Surfer

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Jesus Saves

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

" guess we can relax. They say they're Zulu Surfer Dudes."

"Great waves to day, dude!"

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

"You are using an unregistered copy of this software...please register..."