Soybean Strategist Gifts

"So that's how they set the soybean price."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

Will eat your homework for $.

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

Standard And P****d.

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

"If you really must know, Junior, yes, you were a market correction."

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Gentlemen-the sweets smell of success!'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Have you been talking to someone, Jenkins?'

Shareholders Meeting - We will be paying a dividend but I will not be announcing it here.

Supermarket Merge

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Stock market books.

"I invested in Chinese stocks just because of my ironic sense of humor - if it goes wrong, I can't even afford a bowl of Chop Suey!"

Wall Street Investing.