Sod's Law Skeptic Gifts

'At last conclusive proof sods law works - but only with a thick-sliced family loaf.'

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

'My parents only said 'don't accept rides from strangers,' but I'm the one asking to go with YOU.'

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? "Death of a Salesman." Adapted to a fly, of course.

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

Editorial Control

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

'French onion soup. Hold the soup.'

"You're not being punished, Kenny...Salad is what we're having for dinner."

Lawn & Garden Supply. Sod. They're arguing over the last piece of sod we have in stock. I hate these turf battles.

'You've got me. Is it animal, vegetable or minestrone?'

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

'Look, people are basically honest and decent. Why don't we scrap the tax laws completely and have the people pay whatever they think is fair?'

Just Say No to Chicken Soup

"You know, I really, really, don't like ethnic restaurants."

''Earn our bread by the sweat of our brow'? -- is that sanitary?'

'Ill have the salad. But could I have it made out of chocolate?'

"The salad - does it come with flavour?"

Soda! So many useless calories! Oh? You're wondering why I'm still round if I don't drink the stuff? Well? I got fat the old-fashioned way. I eat too much.

'Gribner is batting .317 with six home runs and a positive steroid testing average of just .17 lifetime. Here's the pitch.'

We Wanna Be Loved

Coke Dealer

I don't brake for lawyers

'She hates getting her feet wet.'

The UK's Russian Sanctions

"I used to take photos of my meals, but once you've seen one salad..."

The low sodium diet of last resort.'

"Our investment climate is already volatile enough, so the 3-bean salad is off the luncheon menu."

"At first I thought it was cool that my mom kept wanting me to test her phone to see if it was waterproof. Now I know it was just a way to get me to take showers."