Legal System Skeptics Gifts

"I don't know about you, but my confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law wasn't that high even before the Supreme Court ruling."

Truth

"They're class action figures."

Equal Justice Is An Illusion

"I got probation."

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

Efrain Rios Montt sentence overthrown.

"You've gotta be for Trump. It's all about the judges."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of multiculturalism.'

TOO SLOW

"Are you telling me that just because something is against the law, that makes it illegal?"

'Guilty or not guilty? - That doesn't leave me much wiggle room.'

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

'I plead not guilty by reason of money.'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

"We've got a new customer, Eddy: run a couple of kegs over to the Supreme Court."

"Don't worry, folks—with me on your side, the truth doesn't stand a chance!"

Civil and In-Civil Court

"The People rest, Your Honor."

'We can skip this next case, Your Honor - the defendant has already been tried and convicted by the press.'

'I don't believe in traditional capital punishment. I'm sentencing you to be taxed to death.'

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

"We truly regret that you were unjustly imprisoned for 63 years, and we're sure you'll enjoy your new-found freedom."

'Honey, this lawyer says that if you call now, all of your problems will magically disappear and he'll throw in a free pen if you call in the next 5 minutes!'

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

Game is over.

"O.K., O.K., I took over his company, I stole his wife and I ate him, now can I go?"

"We find the defendant very telegenic."