Legal System Skeptics Gifts

"I don't know about you, but my confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law wasn't that high even before the Supreme Court ruling."

Minority Report

Truth

"They're class action figures."

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"I got probation."

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

Equal Justice Is An Illusion

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

Five to Eight

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

"You've gotta be for Trump. It's all about the judges."

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

Efrain Rios Montt sentence overthrown.

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of multiculturalism.'

TOO SLOW

"Are you telling me that just because something is against the law, that makes it illegal?"

'Guilty or not guilty? - That doesn't leave me much wiggle room.'

'I plead not guilty by reason of money.'

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

"We've got a new customer, Eddy: run a couple of kegs over to the Supreme Court."

"It was merely a few warning shots to get the witness's attention, your honor!"

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

"Don't worry, folks—with me on your side, the truth doesn't stand a chance!"

Adult Crime, Not Adult Logic

Civil and In-Civil Court

"The People rest, Your Honor."

'We can skip this next case, Your Honor - the defendant has already been tried and convicted by the press.'

'I don't believe in traditional capital punishment. I'm sentencing you to be taxed to death.'

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

"We find the defendant very telegenic."

"O.K., O.K., I took over his company, I stole his wife and I ate him, now can I go?"

Game is over.

"We truly regret that you were unjustly imprisoned for 63 years, and we're sure you'll enjoy your new-found freedom."