Legal System Enthusiast Gifts

"I know I'm perjuring myself, but I'm trying to make a point!"

"I can't believe a mother was jailed because of her kid's truancy."

"The People rest, Your Honor."

'All this, and I never had one case go to court.'

"He's showboating. Don't let it get to you."

"Looks like we have a full house tonight."

'Members of the jury - have you reached a verdict of which you are all agreed?'

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

'I suppose privatizing the legal system really was the last straw.'

"We truly regret that you were unjustly imprisoned for 63 years, and we're sure you'll enjoy your new-found freedom."

"We were assigned 'Hanging Judge Carter', but don't worry, they no longer execute by hanging in this state."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

Wal-Mart Ruling

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

Violent Crime Statistics

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

Lady Justice.

"They're class action figures."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."