Legal System Aficionado Gifts

Civil and In-Civil Court

'They figure that if they're giving us adult prison sentences they also have to give us adult sized prison garb.'

'Well, no Henderson, I said para legals.'

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

'I don't know if I should hand over my bonus to my wife, my wife's lawyer or AIG.'

'And since you're a public figure, you have the right to apologize and get away with it.'

'Because the prisons are overcrowded, you'll be chained up in my garage.'

I'm not worried, my lawyer said he'd buy me some time.

'Honey, this lawyer says that if you call now, all of your problems will magically disappear and he'll throw in a free pen if you call in the next 5 minutes!'

Aren't You a Supreme Court Judge: I love ya!

Euthanasia

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

Ruth Bader Ginsburg - Forever Supreme

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

Violent Crime Statistics

"They're class action figures."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Lady Justice.

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Remember - do not try to plant the seeds from these apples. They're intellectual property, and they're copyrighted.'