Justice System Critic Gifts

'Evidence, shmevidence - Next!'

'They figure that if they're giving us adult prison sentences they also have to give us adult sized prison garb.'

"Well you've been misinformed... our harshest punishment is loss of colour T.V for a week."

'He has that certain undefinable something that says he's guilty as sin.'

'I don't believe in traditional capital punishment. I'm sentencing you to be taxed to death.'

"Monopoly taught me a lot as a kid, things like, you can get out of jail if you have enough money."

'I plead not guilty by reason of money.'

'What makes you think he's getting special treatment?'

'Don't you just love fast track justice?'

'Me? Why, no -- I thought you were keeping score?'

'Stupid lethal injections!'

'Wayne Green you have been found guilty of a brutal murder, fraud, and intimidation. I sentence you to 2 weeks suspended sentence, due to the fact you have been held in remand for 1 month and have lost your job as a window cleaner...'

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

"I ask the questions around here!"

"I told the judge I didn't think prison was the best option for me, yet here I am."

"In closing submissions, the defence would like to bring to the court's attention, my client's impressive collection of 'get out of jail' cards."

Roger Stone

"Orange Lives Matter!"

'Her appeal trial was successful - we have to sew her head back on...'

"As for any last words, be careful not say anything that could worsen your situation."

A tip jar in a courtroom

Cut me a break, your honor. Try to think back to when you were also just a young, crooked, unprincipled shyster.

"May I assume that when you say I should spend the rest of my life behind bars, you are just expressing your opinion?"

"You know who's crooked? The F.B.I."

Minority Report

Can I Watch?

Diversify Your Criminality

"God damn it, Walter – I'm not even indicted yet."

"They made some pretty drastic cuts in our execution budget."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

Truth

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

The Jose Padilla Experience