Justice System Skeptic Gifts

"And you wonder why people hate activist judges?"

"Don't worry, folks—with me on your side, the truth doesn't stand a chance!"

'A jury of my peers? - Do you know what those guys are LIKE?'

"The court finds you guilty as charged and you'll spend the rest of your natural life in prison. Oh, by the way, happy birthday."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Truth

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Not guilty?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

Equal Justice Is An Illusion

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"Can you hear me now?"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

"You've gotta be for Trump. It's all about the judges."

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."