Salad Skeptic Gifts

"Our investment climate is already volatile enough, so the 3-bean salad is off the luncheon menu."

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

"The salad - does it come with flavour?"

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

Ranch Dressing

Free salad bar.

The famous Walled-off salad.

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."