Salad Skeptic T-Shirts

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"Our investment climate is already volatile enough, so the 3-bean salad is off the luncheon menu."

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

"The salad - does it come with flavour?"

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'Diet considerations.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"More croutons, sir?"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

The famous Walled-off salad.

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'