Salad Sleuth Gifts

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"More croutons, sir?"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

Horse meat scandal.

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

Ranch Dressing

Free salad bar.

The famous Walled-off salad.

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

The Perfect Garden.