Salad Seeker Gifts

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Ranch Dressing

Free salad bar.

The famous Walled-off salad.

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.