Salad Snatcher Gifts

"I still say bringing a foil-lined purse to the sizzler salad bar is our god-given right!"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'Diet considerations.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'