Salad Snatcher Pillows

"I still say bringing a foil-lined purse to the sizzler salad bar is our god-given right!"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'Diet considerations.'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

Ranch Dressing

Free salad bar.

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"