Snack Snatcher Pillows

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

15 Second Grocery Delivery

Hey Gus, I've managed to steal some crackers and some grapes too...

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Bowled over again!

Little league world series of poker.

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

Honest Vending

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Love is when you watch television together.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"The bagels are better in New York."

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

"You were right, I didn't want to stop."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

Stupid Microwave

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'