Snack Hunter Pillows

"Normally my allowance is $10 a week, but at the airport it's $10 a snack."

'I never babysit for anyone who doesn't have a well-stocked fridge!'

Yield to Temptation.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Bad for you but to die for

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

Honest Vending

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Love is when you watch television together.

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Stupid Microwave

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."