Snack Muncher Pillows

Breaking Bad Wind

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Hungry child

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Honest Vending

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

Love is when you watch television together.

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"The bagels are better in New York."

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Stupid Microwave

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."