Salad Saboteur Gifts

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Diet considerations.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

The famous Walled-off salad.

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

All you can eat salad bar has lifetime price.

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"