Salad Saboteur Gifts

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

'Diet considerations.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

The famous Walled-off salad.

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

The male of the species approaches the cafe counter. What's that, Mr. Pinkerton? Careful not to disturb those around him, the male scans his surroundings. His senses, his vision and his sense of smell have been honed by years of evolution and survival. Sniiif! At last, the male makes his move! He orders one slice of rhubarb pie, a la mode! You want pie? Suddenly, he is alerted to danger. The male seeks refuge behind a petunia! … but is it too late? No pie for him. The male will have a salad. The

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

All you can eat salad bar has lifetime price.

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."