Salad Sceptic Gifts

"You're not being punished, Kenny...Salad is what we're having for dinner."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'Diet considerations.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"More croutons, sir?"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

Ranch Dressing

Free salad bar.

The famous Walled-off salad.

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'