Salad Critic Gifts

"I Hate Salad."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Free salad bar.

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

Ranch Dressing

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

The famous Walled-off salad.

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

'The Chef's Salad isn't available today. She ate it herself.'