Salad Sniffer Gifts

The Atkins Diet.

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Diet considerations.'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

The famous Walled-off salad.

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

Salad Hat

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

All you can eat salad bar has lifetime price.

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"He had an uncanny ability to pick up the scent of opportunity."

'If we could just add one more gene to make the skeptical customer trust us.'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

Gustav Mahler orders a salad.

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

'We've decided to split the Caesar salad.'