Salad Sensation Gifts

'Who ordered the caesar salad?'

"In about two months we should have a salad."

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

Free salad bar.

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

Ranch Dressing

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

'You're eating too much roughage.'