Salad Savants Gifts

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'Diet considerations.'

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

Chef picking salad leaves from a hanging basket outside his restaurant.

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"More croutons, sir?"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."