Salad Selector Gifts

'No chips thank you, just a nourishing salad...'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

'Diet considerations.'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'