Salad Artisan Gifts

"You know, Mark, your tabouli salad makes us look bad."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Diet considerations.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"More croutons, sir?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

Ranch Dressing

Free salad bar.

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

The Perfect Garden.