Salad Gifts

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'One businessman's lunch and one secretary's salad.'

'Italian, Russian or Ranch?'

Snowman eating salad cuts into carrot nose.

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Surprise in the salad bowl

'Diet considerations.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"