Salad Gifts

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'One businessman's lunch and one secretary's salad.'

'Italian, Russian or Ranch?'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Surprise in the salad bowl

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'Diet considerations.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

The famous Walled-off salad.

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."