Salad Eater Gifts

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'Diet considerations.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

Free salad bar.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Ranch Dressing

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

The famous Walled-off salad.

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'