Soccer Season Opening Gifts

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

Football Fans

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Perils of the double play.

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

Kenny Dalglish

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

'Let me guess...you're a knights supporter?'

Input From The Front Office

Man transplants plant in his garden.

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

Tweet! Tweet! Tweet! Ok, team it's a tie. We're going into overtime. First score wins the game! Let's see your fiercest game faces! That's it! My sudden death panel!

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

NFL linebackers are identified in early infancy and sent away to the secret academy until puberty.

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"These guys stink. They're the worst team I've ever seen! What a bunch of losers!"

'We're in a hurry.'

'...And Timmy, as usual, will guard goal.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'I pulled something playing soccer.'

"Just picking up some Super Bowl provisions."

"Good news, I found a doctor who says you can still play"

'...There's this big dude on the other side. Nobody look! But, every time we try anything he comes after me. Now, what's that all about?'