Season Opener Gifts

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Perils of the double play.

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Kenny Dalglish

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

'Let me guess...you're a knights supporter?'

Input From The Front Office

Man transplants plant in his garden.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

NFL linebackers are identified in early infancy and sent away to the secret academy until puberty.

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'We're in a hurry.'

'Don't mind him, he gets that way every Opening Day when I tell him he can't have a gun.'

"These guys stink. They're the worst team I've ever seen! What a bunch of losers!"

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'I pulled something playing soccer.'

"Just picking up some Super Bowl provisions."

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

"Good news, I found a doctor who says you can still play"