Baseball Season Opener Gifts

Perils of the double play.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

'Let me guess...you're a knights supporter?'

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

Man transplants plant in his garden.

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

'We're in a hurry.'

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

NFL linebackers are identified in early infancy and sent away to the secret academy until puberty.

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

"These guys stink. They're the worst team I've ever seen! What a bunch of losers!"

'Don't mind him, he gets that way every Opening Day when I tell him he can't have a gun.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'Yes, Haffner appears to be tiring...'