Baseball Season Opening Gifts

'I think maybe they should move opening day until it's warmer.'

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Perils of the double play.

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

Kenny Dalglish

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

'Let me guess...you're a knights supporter?'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Man transplants plant in his garden.

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

'Don't mind him, he gets that way every Opening Day when I tell him he can't have a gun.'

NFL linebackers are identified in early infancy and sent away to the secret academy until puberty.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

'We're in a hurry.'

"These guys stink. They're the worst team I've ever seen! What a bunch of losers!"

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'