Sports Season Opener Gifts

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

Football Kill

'Didn't you hear? They've made the balls bigger to compensate for steroids.'

"How long until you think we can get an expansion team?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Perils of the double play.

Kenny Dalglish

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'Let me guess...you're a knights supporter?'

Vendor selling testosterone.

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

Man transplants plant in his garden.

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

American Football.

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"