Season Premiere Gifts

". . . So I guess everyone is out."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Perils of the double play.

"My God!! - Those actors must all be really old by now...!"

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"Hi, kid! Did you watch 'Sesame Street' today?"

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Barbie Oscars

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

Daniel Day Lewis

"Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move." "And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty." "This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day." "No way any movie can live up to this hype." "Wolverine day is almost upon us." "We are about to embark upon the great crusade..."

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'Larry, did you feel THAT? Your career just peaked! And on MY show! Isn't that fantastic?'

"Hawaii Five-O" is back? Yeah, but they should call it "Hawaii Version Two Point-0."

'They're not tears. It's water displacement from the bath scene.'

The Scream at the movie theater.

'President Obama is talking up his healthcare plan on just about every show on television...'

"On the plus side, concussions are way down."

"Yes, I know it's spring dear. But can I just have another day or two in bed?"

'This is only the weather forecast- 'Strictly Come Dancing' is on in ten minutes!'

"Don't be long, Dear, you don't want to miss Celebrity Hari Kari on TV."

'Didn't you hear? They've made the balls bigger to compensate for steroids.'

Football Kill

"Look! It's a picture of your first goal in your first soccer game!"

Sadie, you've got a lot of nerve making light of all the concussions suffered by football players. Stow it, meathead. By the way, I heard Eli Manning got a concussion last season. What? What?! Eli? My Honeybunch? He of the NFL's greatest rear?! I won't have it. The league must reform! Awesome. I still have to brain power to tell a provocative lie. Get it together, NFL or face my wrath!

'My agent told me to bring some arm candy.'

Love in The Heights