Snack Critic Gifts

'Owing to the very real threat of biscuit-related injuries, the snack of choice for meetings will now be blancmange.'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'Your peanuts are lousy!'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'Manna! Matzoh! If I knew the food would be so bad on this trip, I would have stayed in Egypt.'

"Man, I love roughing it out here...but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"Trail mix?"

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

Jewish Geometry

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Future Wrestler

"Serves you right...snacking before dinner."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Jim's blogging his thought for the day. He doesn't have any profound thoughts, he just has one thought per day.'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"The cookies are always stale."

'Sticky nuts...' "Umm nice nuts but not as sticky as us buns!!"

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

'Popcorn? Sure. Would you like huge, mega, super-duper huge or gigundazillion multi multi really insanely huge?'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

An everything bagel? You call this an everything bagel?

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"Med Brittle"

"We're out of empanadas!"

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"And this is my husband...he's into energy conservation, mostly his own!"

"I got horse dewormer..."